I have a list of actors who I think should stop acting entirely and start writing. Ben Affleck, for example, is an awful actor, but potentially a very good writer.
David Duchovny is another one of those actors. Watched him on Leno last night and he offered a brilliant theory on alien abductions. A point-by-point paraphrase of the Duchovny Theory:
- Whenever someone's abducted, it seems the abductees always have their teeth drilled or their anuses probed.
- Western literature is replete with references to a ship of fools, a boat in which society has filled up with the insane and deranged and shoved them out to sea without a pilot.
- This causes one to ponder an alien civilization doing this with their dentists and sexual deviants, sending them off into space, only to find their way into our galaxy to abduct us to drill our teeth and probe our anuses.
